There are a lot of reasons why the heart can hurt. Basically, it boils down to one of two reasons; a physical ailment or an emotional one. I’ve had both. The physical ailment scared the wits out of me. I went to the Emergency Room clutching my chest one night hyperventilating and truly believed I was in the throes of a heart attack. Come to find out it was a Goliath sized case of GERD! Although I know now to watch my diet, I believe it was associated with stress. There were too many major happenings occurring in my life in a short span of time while my mental and emotional state raced to catch up with my circumstances.
But probably most of us have hurting hearts due to emotional causes. It’s part of life to have your heart broken into pieces and I don’t know many people who haven’t experienced that trauma. Personally, I went through two broken engagements before meeting my husband. Yep, two. Two guys asked me to marry them and then simply changed their minds. One broke up with me on the phone a day before we were to go meet his parents in another state. I closed myself up in my little home, drew the shades and sat there most of that weekend wondering what in the world went wrong. He never told me, I still haven’t a clue.
I’ve not had many other situations that came close to a broken heart except the death of dear loved ones and they didn’t pass from this life out of spite, it’s just the circle of life. But I will tell you a mother’s heart will command the top seat at the table when it comes to the ongoing condition of your heart. If you’ve followed this website and my writings you are aware that Gary and I have a granddaughter. As any grandparent will share, once you are handed that small bundle of pure sweetness and God’s miracle of life, that baby goes up on an enormously high plain labeled with his/her name. Somehow it’s an entirely different feeling from having children of your own. However, there is nothing in this world that can ache, hurt and mostly fill you with joy unspeakable than raising those God-given gifts we call our own children.
All through my life I wanted to be a mom; plain and simple. Maybe it was due to the fact my own mother went to work when I was only six years old. During the ‘50s and ‘60s moms were not looked on kindly for missing work to attend school parties and activities. I had an aunt show up for those events. I missed my mom and I told myself if humanly possible when I became a mom I would be at all those parties with homemade chocolate chip cookies in hand. God granted that wish when I married Gary. Although we weren’t a rich family materialistically, we made the sacrifices necessary so I could fulfill that dream. In fact, my kids were probably sick of seeing my face in their schools I was there so often.
As they got older I went to all the sporting events, took turns carpooling soccer practices and, after struggling to finish my education while they were in school, I worked at teaching positions where my paycheck went into tuition at a private school and soccer tournaments. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer my kids were in college. Ironically, I had an insurance policy for cancer that I had taken out when I was 20 years old. For some reason, Dad had us invest in a policy even though cancer wasn’t spoken of, much less diagnosed a lot in the early ‘70s. As a consequence of that policy I was able to pay a semester of college for each of the kids and was able help with some of their college expenses.
But now they are grown. They have their own lives and are living them as they see fit. So why does a mother’s heart ache when the job she was called to do is slowly ceasing to the degree it was once needed and desired? Because a mom is always a mom and a mom’s heart never stops beating. It continues to remember being one of the most important people in her children’s lives. The notes, the cards, the hugs, the constant sharing, the shopping, the lunches, the movies, the simple conversations for the first 15 minutes after getting off the school bus, the frantic calls about all the stuff that is due at college; trying to get organized to move out of a apartment; sitting in hospitals when they experienced broken limbs and sometimes being requested to pray for a friend.
However, the circle of life continues….the heart is a strong organ that beats every minute of every day and when God decides that heart has beat enough and needs a rest, it will be called home. I write this blog because a lot of moms have shared with me a lot of heartaches recently. There is so much going on that I simply couldn’t list it all and I would never do that since many of my conversations have been confidential. I write my experiences because it’s just life. I want to reassure my readers hurt happens to all of us.
Yesterday I posted a blog about suffering and how God can remove all the bumps on life’s highway so we can all live abundant joyful existences. But that’s not how life works. Moms have been bearing burdens of joy and sorrow throughout the Bible. With good intentions we often rise up as surly bears to protect our cubs, but sometimes we have to back up and let God be God.
We pray, we grow, we cling to the promises of God….and we love others as God first loved us….unconditionally.
Much love and hugs to all my mom friends out there…..